MY DAILY UPDATES

APRIL 7, 2013

So much to say, it can't go all here all at once, but it's COMING OUT, and that's a good thing.  The winter hibernation is definitely over.  Much decided, more to consider.  What's amazing is having all this time available for doing things, doing nothing, thinking, developing, realizing, writing, listening, music, the house inside and out, having earned future income for the basics and then some, and no longer required to show up for a job or career.  This week may bring some developments that will indicate the parameters of available discretionary resources for travel fun and comfort, home and garden improvements, and personal transportation.  I belive it's likely a new agreement on the house loan will be reached; it's the level that will determine future finances and spending level.

When that is done it may not have an immediately huge impact if I need to again make car payments but it will still be better and improve.  I had some necessary work done on the car that for a time improved its performance but a problem continued and it has not been able for weeks to go further than the dog park or the grocery store without losing power for which I have been greatful for not, but it's not going to improve on its own.  It is at the mechanic's pending a through diagnosis.  Preliminary review indicates the computer may need to be replaced so I will need to decide whether to pour more money into a rapidly aging vehicle or will be able to replace it pending the house deal.

The other mechanic-neighbor wants to buy and restore it as he likes old nissans and knows a lot about and has access to good deals on used or near new vehicles.  One that got my attention is a Kia Soul minu SUV pending a dog fitting.  I would like a small to medium size neo-SUV type that will fit the dogs and be comfortable for travel.  It would be nice to be have a car to take me as far as I would consider comfortable for road travel and determine which types of trips are dog suitable, how, and ensuring the neighbor is still willing and able to care for them in my absence.  As she and her boyfriend have started local colllege, are adults, and are living at home I think that could work.

There's a lot of places in California I would like to go for short term visits.  There's the historical sites in the Yucatan I've never seen, and Mesico City and Puerto Vallarta which I have enjoyed.  Of course New York which I would visit as often as I can afford it.  It's time to go again and there's at least 2 new shows to see - Motown and Kinky Boots as well as all the city has to offer. 

Then there's the wish list dependent partly on lottery fortunes, the house value, and creativity and ability at finding additional income sources without having to work at Target.  Hawaii, South Florida, South America, North Africa, Spain, and Italy interest me to start.  If proper planning and saving even allow a NYC visit and another trip I would be happy.  But that's all dreaming at this point. 

One decision I made is to continue blogging and do it better and see where that leads.  Perhaps even writing classes.  Laptop will be the toy of the month next month - trying to limit to one new fun toy a month, to free me from the desk and allow me to blog from any room or patio. 

So finally -  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!  There I said it.  I have realized behind my reticence for acknowledgement is not the number but the fact that I think of it as another year closer as much as another year of survival.  Everyone deals in their own way.  I won't lecture you if you don't me, and there is one acquaintance only who needs to stop the demeaing and pretentious chastisement and attitude instructions.  Like Leslie Gore said, it's MY party!  You can only control yours.  And I'll have and create all the drama I want and have a right to.  And cry even if for a second if I want to. 

I even decided this morning on a new blog page - I couldn't think of an concise accurate title.  Then decided to call it The New Chapter - it's for that little dark place in my mind that shrinks a little every year but will always be there.  I won't be direct about it but determined that Retirement is the most accurate allegory - I never thought about it, didn't want it, at least not until near the end, but when it came I not only embraced it I have thrived ever since.  Well the Next Chapter won't be quite that joyful, but still. 

I also think of the long departed  - and how long it's been since those dreary days of death.  And how much we have all developed and grown over the years.  And I wonder our friends and loved ones would have developed and grown - who we would still be friends with, what they would have done, who would have surprised us.  Denied the chance to continue growing and learning.

So herein is some of what I have been contemplating these last weeks while doing about my days of fun and boredom, intense activity and dedicated relaxation and reflection.  And starting  - yeah it's like Diana says - MY LOVE IS ALIVE!  Sorry for the interruption she really did just say that.  So starting with occasional random thoughts over the last week I awake to find

I feel better than I have ever felt in my life.  Mind, body, soul, and spirit.  I know myself and what I want and what I shouldn't better than ever, I am at peace, I am proud of my accomplishments and confident I did my best and gave it all I had in my dedication to public service.  I am very happy.

At this point we ought to know or bodies and minds quite well.  And I find that a contented mind and spirit is an important source of physical energy; and we can control our exercise and intake of both nourishment and stress adjustors to achieve - there I go again trying to be modest and PG rated - engage in activities that bring physical pleasure. 

Which leads me back to celebration - I would much rather honor my being doing what is always most fun for me - dancing, shows, playing, nightlife and ...  So I'll see the family next week. 

OMG - it's Bing Crosby and Bette Midler singing  -

you got to accentuate the positive

eliminate the negative

launch on to the affirmative

don't mess with mr. inbetween

you've go to spread joy up to the maximum (my favorite)

bring gloom down to the minimum

have faith or pandemonium's

liable to walk upon the scene

Jackie Ryan performs an outstanding rendition on her recent CD that awoke me to this message.  I found this video earlier this year and posted it but I will post again.  I have the best youtube playlist and will share after i reorganize and establish my channel. - My blog My channel who woulda thought and what is next.

Everybody's a star, dj, writer - if I were to ever generate income through writing - that would be blissful and orgasmic. 

Today's Diana Ross lyrics are

for my friends, family, neighbors and dogs

sometimes when i am sitting all alone

i think of things that i have done

and start to wonder

if there is one thing

that means more than others

i have known

and suddenly its clear to me

without your love where would i be



 from her song "Your Love"

and my surpise favorite of the week thanks to a recent remix, I feel like

I AM SITTING ON TOP OF THE WORLD

hold on

here we go

i've got a feeling that it's going to grow

up to the top of the world

here i am

there you are

i've got a feeling that we're going far

up to the top of the world

going higher, higher

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January 13, 2013

Finally I turn once again to my blog, first time this year, wondered how long it would take.  And all I want to sa7y is ugh!  UGH!  Havent's missed it and hardly thought of it.  Wondered if I was done.  Nope, not done with it, just hibernating, ot trying to if the whole damn world would let me.  I just want to scream Leave Me Alone, but only till next month, really.

I just wanted to post a few sentences about hibernation this a.m. on FB and on going out to do my self-insistent (i need to start a list of words I invented, hoping next time I read this I will remember what I mean and have found an actual recognized word to insert) interactive electoral community activity.  More about that and my self-guided tour of East LA via the Gold Line later.

But after a few sentences FB freezes and I get furious - at FB for freezing and erasing, no eliminating forever the precious words I have written, and me for forgetting FB does that and either post on the blog or word and cut and paste.  but I didn't want to go through all that, but how deceitful to think i could just start jotting my thoughts for a few on this FB page that pops up and then be done with it and go on my way, and return having moved on or wishing to expound on my blog.  Instead in one terrifying millisecond the screen freezes, nothing moves, nothing can be done, how long do i wait without touching anything - once that was the answer - but inevitably I have to click something and away it goes - vanishes never to be seen again. I take it personally because I wrote the words.

So now moreso because I felt I left unfinshed thoughts rambling through my brain cells, and they need to get out there's not enough room for them to take up space and because I outing resulted in further reflection insight observation and more.  Being a tourist in my own city as if I am not from here taking a journey by train through neighborhoods and by locations I have read about.  Well there was that trick when I was young.  Was it Boyle Heights or East LA?  I remember going to a room at the top of a ramshackle house with a view of wires and freeways and tall buildings and overlooking a rich colorful ethnic stew more than the boy.  Were we 22 going on 18?   It felt so romantic,

All to go vote for an obsure Democratic Party committee.  All the while reading the Diana Ross book, displaying it for the politicos and hearing amusing anecdotes.  Bravely announcing my retirement-induced self-indulgences:  politics and Diana Ross.

And now I see the Golden Globes are starting.  Wondering if I can watch in a tiny corner of my computer while I blog.  I have the music on and set, my comfy clothes, warm and cozy, smoked out and ready to write.  But Beau just came up and announced dinner time.  The nice realtor down the street sure liked Haley-he's had Shepherds all his life. 

So maybe I will get back to this later and reflect on my renewed yearn for annual winter hibernation and all that encompasses, and the good and the bad that happens when I allow myself to be pulled out of that state for some good or higher purpose or benefit or future happiness to myself.

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December 23, 2012

It just occurred to me that the blog is where I post "breaking news alerts" from my brain which are thoughts rather than events.  I was having a FB conversation with a friend about sisters and posts about appreciation for our sisters.  Having none, sometimes I felt like I was my own sister, I commented that my friends have been like my sisters.  And then, perhaps I am still getting used to feeling and being and acting and speaking positive all the time, it occured to me that retirement seems to have transformed my inner space or outlook or something to the extent that i am noticing that positive comments are flowing from my brain to my mouth to the world or whoever is around like never before. almost before i even realized it, it is so spontaneous.  The demons have less appeal than ever. Perhaps this is due in part to a combination of a significant reduction of stress and the lack of an "other" to constantly rebel against. It's like new territory has opened inside my brain.  Cells that were being used to deal with stress are now free to do good positive things, like the blog. [facebook still being an exception but i am slowly getting over it]

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  December 16, 2012

Guess I haven't had many Daily Activities lately and forgot about this page.  Certainly nothing to top December 5.  Since then I think I had my laziest do nothing week since retirement.  Then I put up holiday lights, tried to update my blog which I finally did with reviews photos and more.  Need to finish my load mod ap, call APLA back, take Mom to the MD tomorrow, finish my latest personal essay, and respond to some fool in Texas on the HIV List Serve who wants to eliminate confidentialy for HIV since we have progressed beyond stigma and discrimination.  They be crazy down there in Texas,  Maybe I can paste his post and thebest response on my politics and govt page as that hasn't had anything lately.

Shopping done, at Target instead of Walmart where Mom goes without me, marvels at Target prices and vows to go there again, thankfully we both needed to shop so we each had to get a cart. Why didn't I think of this before. Saved all the hassle and admonishment of placing an item in the WRONG location in the cart, and I still haven't figured out the correct location for each particular item but she knows. Plus she insists on driving the cart because she's a worse control freak than me and because she uses it to lean on so there I am following her around looking like and inconsiderate dunce most of the time. 2 carts are the answer. Only problem was "her" Target does not carry vodka, unlike mine which is not as big. Go figure. But then imagine they don't sell much Goose in Monrovia so had to stop at Vons and got some new Russian vodka and time for a drink.. So at the end I had 2 questions for the staff, where's the vodka, and have you seen my mother?

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MY LIFE IN A DAY

Less derivative and not quite as pretentious as A Day in the Life, the retired life, everyone should try it.  This is about today, December 5, 2012. 

Toward the end of the day, or maybe closer to the middle, I found myself staring at the beginning

- of my 1st political campaign;

- the site of my first but not last unfortunately bitter letdown, wondering why bother if they just end up getting killed, thinking some years later, it can't happen again, it wouldn't happen to a local leader; it did, but that is another story.

But first, drove to my fav Gold Line Station and bought a day pass to ride the LA subways all day, no longer an oxymoron, but its best to drive to get there.  Rode along the ancient rail beds overlooking the original irrigation ditch, now a huge beautiful park where I would love to take the dogs sometime and where concerts are held occasionally, dug by the fist settlers from the LA River to the settlement that is now known as Olvera Street across from Union Station — at Los Angeles Union Station.

Onto a tour of APLA to learn about what they are doing now and how they are doing it.  The statistics are impressive - 63,000 persons living with HIV in LA County today, 20% of whom don't know it, just like elsewhere, down from 30%, down from 40%, I remember when it was 50-60%.  Currently serving 10,000 unduplicated clients.  Advocacy, benefits counseling, back to work counseling, tax assistance, 2 state of the art dental clinics, several prevention and counseling centers, 9 food distribution centers, I am sure I left some out. 

I saw some faces from the past and many new ones, telling stories I knew all too well, one dedicated worker been at it longer than me, and some fresh young faces on the tour considering whether to be regular fund supporters — at AIDS Project Los Angeles - APLA.  I am taking my time to consider volunteer opportunities in the new year, to see how my knowledge and experience can provide meaningful assistance to an organization with a mission that appeals to me.  I still want to do stuff, helpful, meaningful staff, but i don't want another career.

Decided to walk to the next station as it was only about 6 or 8 blocks, felt like thinking, and in the back of my mind I knew I would go by this site.  I have driven by but it was only recently completed.  Figured they would have to have at least some kind of dedication marker.  I came upon a plaza that was set back from the sidewalk and overlooked the new learning center complex.  Staring at the inspirational words of Bobby Kennedy, Cesar Chavez, Dolores Huerta, carved on a wall overlooking a beautiful new state of the art multi-level learning center providing education to children of all ages from all backgrounds. 

I was 16 when me and a classmate would handout flyers, help in the office or with precinct work, sometimes skipping out of school. I still remember the night he won the CA primary, huge argument with Mom about staying up to watch his victory speech, then off to bed when unbeknownst to me till the next a.m. that yet again the mortal bullets from gunfire once again struck a young inspirational leader and sent society deeper into a downward spiral of hopelessness and violence.

 Robert F. Kennedy Inspiration Park.  The hotel has been shut down for years.  A huge fight ensued over historic preservation but after the Kennedy family advocated for the schools it settled.
I am sure Bobby would be proud.  Where once the Ambassador Hotel and Cocacabana Room nightclub stood where this tragedy occurred, is a state of the art education center and playing fields dedicated to RFK in front of which is a public plaza with walls engraved with the words of Bobby Kennedy, Ted, Cesar Chavez, Dolores Huerta. Very inspirational! — at Robert F Kennedy Ambassador School Of Global Leadership. 

On the way back I got off the train to walk through the newly installed Grand Park that descends from the Music Center, alongside the county admin bldg across three blvds ending at city hall with parks walkways and i especially loved the hot bubblegum pink park benches you see in the coloring of the logo — at Grand Park.

An enormous fountain with water starting at plaza level that kids young and old will be entering on a hot day. Landscaped with plants from all 6 Floristic Regions from throughout the world representing the ancestors of all Angelenos from all over the world.  Everything is well marked with signage describing each planting and where it came from.  Sitting areas, lawns, a performance stage, it's huge.  I really love the pink benches.

 Riding the train home, er to my car in the train station parking lot, then home, thinking how I devoured all the news and words of Martin Luther King, Jr., and Bobby Kennedy, wanting always to do something, to make a difference, how their inspiration in concurrence with other events in my life and the world in which I have lived, led me to all this.  All this which segues into an essay I started recently that I think I can now go back and finish and post soon.

Here are web sites of all the entities located at this new complex and the engraved quotes if I can find them, to show all good works that are going on there at that site every day.  After viewing them, I (finally) got their point that the tribute site in LA is an INSPIRATION park, not a memorial, thus the name.  How cool is that.  Inspired 44 years ago, re-inspired today.  

 http://www.publicartinla.com/sculptures/kennedy_park.html here is some of it but you can't read the quotes.

here are all the descriptive facts, courtesy of LA Weekly:

The likelihood of Robert F. Kennedy becoming a president of the United States disappeared in a pool of blood following a victory speech at the Ambassador Hotel just after midnight on June 5, 1968. Today, the Ambassador is gone, having been replaced by the Robert F. Kennedy Community Schools, a sprawling colossus comprising six schools that will accommodate approximately 4,000 students. In front of the building, along Wilshire Boulevard, is the Robert F. Kennedy Inspiration Park. The space has a 6-foot-tall, 24-foot-wide stainless steel entryway with cutouts in the shape of a ripple of water, and text taken from the Day of Affirmation address Kennedy gave in South Africa in 1966. On the 8-by-110-foot back wall is a photo-etched portrait of Kennedy in black granite. Kennedy's words, some of which pertain to education, are interspersed with quotes from people who inspired him, and people who were inspired by him. From artist-designers May Sun and Richard Wyatt: "The Inspiration Park has a daytime presence and a nighttime presence, with a starlit floor. The implication of passivity and a sense of loss are inherent in the perception of a memorial. Inspiration, however, carries with it a call to positive action, the infusion of ideas and dreams that stimulate creativity in thought or action. For that reason, we would like this park to be experienced as an Inspiration Park, as opposed to a memorial park, because Robert Kennedy's ideas and passions are carried into the future, with younger generations discovering his convictions and calls to action." If anyone inspired others, it was indeed Bobby Kennedy, and he's fittingly honored here. 3400 Wilshire Blvd., Mid-City.

The Robert F. Kennedy Community Schools is a K-12 complex located on the former site of the Ambassador Hotel and its once-famous Cocoanut Grove nightclub in Los Angeles, California.

 http://vimeo.com/27252564 - video

http://www.ahbe.com/portfolio/inspiration-park-at-robert-f-kennedy-community-schools 

click above for a wonderful wide screen night lit photo or see below was afraid it would be too big

actually i think it might be a slide show by the architect if you let it run

 

DECEMBER ROSE

Up on Myosotis Hill
Are some roses that will thrill
Colors from each rainbow hue

Petals open just for you

Showing even in December

Nature’s beauty to remember

Through the bitter winter cold

Till spring again brings colors bold

Wondering wondering through and through

Is only nature always true

by Brock S. Evans
December 4, 2012

Love cannot be silenced.
It never has.
It never will.
Let justice roll like a river
from the oceans to the hills
- Sister Kathy Sherman

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/02/us/nun-brings-music-and-strong-message-to-her-ministry.html?ref=todayspaper

http://youtu.be/_OzLhTV6pkQ


Patti kills it and makes Diana cry, and cry and cry. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuagK4BZfDw&feature=share&list=FL8MRbvv3f_9VK1wnqwKk4Kg


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9AGWJBM0PU&feature=share&list=FL8MRbvv3f_9VK1wnqwKk4Kg

I may or may not have posted a link to this remix but here it is with visuals as mixed by my favorite "GeeJay Deluxe 2001"  Remember Me (facebook fans)  I'll Be There on my blog just Reach Out and click the link...



I have given up on Facebook.  I don't get it I don't like it I can't control it and I can't make it do what I want when I want in the way I want exactly how I want.  I get too angry frustrated and waste way too much time trying to make it right.  My life and my time every second of it is worth way more than that.  It is the only thing in my life right now that brings me down so why should I bother.

Henceforth I will post here any and all updates activities photos links trivia profundities observations comments that I would post on Facebook and will upon occasion at a frequency I have yet to determine post a link to this page on Facebook.  Instead of seeing a notice for each post you can see everything since the last time I linked or you looked.  And the most important thing is I can CONTROL my blog.  It does what I want when I want how I want the way I want.  I am not the only one who knows how important being in control is to me, whether it's a diva thing or an Aries thing or an ego thing or all of those and more.  I want things I do and can control done right, once, and my life and time is worth more than the frustration and anxiety and waste of time I have experienced way too much.  I can't fix it so I move on to what I can do.  No more bitching.  Lots of colloquolisms come to mind.  I will be adding stuff to the top so you don't have to scroll through stuff you may have seen.  I may leave some of this preceding here for awhile and then move it to the main page so you don't have to scroll through it each time, perhaps soon.  I feel better already.  So Thelma Jones and the Sons of Etta will have to wait; I am taking a bath and having dinner and a movie at home. 

Teaser:  I am researching and preparing lists of my favorite music released in 2012.

So to commemorate this moment I select as my farewell to FB, WALK ON BY as performed by the late and great Florence Ballard in a video montage of some of the best visual images I have seen of the original Supremes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J66Nm0DSG-0&feature=share&list=FL8MRbvv3f_9VK1wnqwKk4Kg

I think the best representation of her solo vocal ability can be heard in the Supremes' original recording of People which she at first performed as her solo in their shows, especially after about 8:06 until the end of the song.  The initial version is Diana's followed by Florence's starting at 5:14  Listen to her verse at 5:33!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcZfkaSulAk&feature=share&list=FL8MRbvv3f_9VK1wnqwKk4Kg

While I am at it I have long thought it is not a question of who is right or wrong, better or not, vocally or otherwise.  Who amongst us were perfect at 18 -22, not to mention their circumstances.  I am not saying no one did wrong, and that opportunities were presented to one rather than another, but as well people choose how they spend their time resources and efforts.  I'll leave it at that for now.

I also like her performance of the Elvis Presley song "It's Not Unusual" here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4dKj35BdnU&feature=share&list=FL8MRbvv3f_9VK1wnqwKk4Kg

There is more of Florence available on YouTube including a recorded interview with her.

Hmmmmmmm  this is good too with lots of Flo  - Let Me Go the Right Way

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvsklKa3Im0&feature=share&list=FL8MRbvv3f_9VK1wnqwKk4Kg

How appropriate!